


the many deaths of julia wicker

by ElasticElla



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: (implied) - Freeform, Background Relationships, F/F, Manipulation, Mild Gore, Post-Season/Series 04, Reincarnation, Snuff, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-10-11 23:11:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20554223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElasticElla/pseuds/ElasticElla
Summary: The adventures die with Q.It seems fitting, and Julia refuses to return to Fillory without him.





	the many deaths of julia wicker

The adventures die with Q. It seems fitting, and Julia refuses to return to Fillory without him. She has a whole expanse of emptiness stretched out in front of her until she sees him again. (_If_, and fuck isn’t that a terrible thought that can go back to the underworld that she knows exists.)

Penny still thinks she’s the girl he fell in love with in another universe, and she isn’t even the same girl from last week. She remembers missing her magic, but fuck, she didn’t miss the pain, didn’t miss how intrinsically they were linked. (Nightmares of Reynard come back, and she reminds herself he’s frozen forever.)

Penny takes the rejection well, even if he doesn’t believe her words about him being too good. She can feel the darkness in her soul, the anger and despair simmering rather than depleting. A heavy emptiness in her stomach, a black hole waiting to form. 

Julia won’t drag Penny down with her, won’t break him, she will do this on her own. 

. 

In late October, Julia makes a home in the Tongrass Forest, confident no one will look for her in the middle of Alaska. Not that there’s many people left to look. Margo and Eliot are off in Fillory, Alice went to the library of all places, Kady has been avoiding her since the new Penny came back, and Penny- there’s still a twinge of guilt there. Hopefully Penny is moving on, creating a home for himself in his new universe. 

Julia has. 

A dozen trees woven together, branches and leaves providing coverage. Inside is a moderate apartment, and with magic it’s easy enough to make a bedroom and bathroom and living room and kitchen. She doesn’t know what she wants, to do, to be, any of it. All she knows is that she doesn’t want to be around regular people, doesn’t want to see Q in random brown-haired boys at a distance. Doesn’t want to choke on the stupid impossible hope that keeps coming back. 

So, disappearing to the middle of the forest. (It’s about time she truly became Our Lady of the Tree.) 

.

She’s resting by the stream, awakes to teeth sinking into her neck, a huge bear above her. And it must hit something crucial, vision going out. 

When she awakens again, it is morning, birds chirping and her shirt absolutely destroyed. She fixes it with a flick of magic, and whistling walks home. 

Another time, she’s hiking through the woods, wants to know every inch of her forest. (At over sixteen million acres, it’s an ambitious project. And she only has forever.) A hunter shoots her, is panicking over her body when she wakes. She takes his memory, leaving behind a healthy fear of the unknown in the woods. 

These are her woods now. She won’t have people killing the local wildlife. The logging companies are harder to dissuade, but she’s persistent, stealing memories, inflicting terror, and breaking machinery. The people speak of a vengeful spirit, and it feels fitting. 

.

“This is a nice place.” 

Julia nearly stumbles, blinks a few times, but sure enough, Marina is sitting on her couch. 

“How did you get here?” 

She shrugs, “Cashed in a few favors. How are you enjoying the hermit life?” 

“It’s fine. Why are you here?” 

“Would you believe I missed you?” 

Julia raises an eyebrow, waits. 

Marina sighs, “I heard rumors of a new god. I got curious.” 

“Because you have such a great history with gods,” Julia says too quickly, thinking of her Marina. 

“Whatever Wicker. Do you have anything decent to drink in this place?” 

As Julia pulls out the rum, she realizes perhaps it is possible she’s missed human interaction. 

.

Marina doesn’t leave. Julia doesn’t ask her too, and Marina doesn’t offer. 

At her insistence Julia creates another room, a library to keep Marina entertained when she goes out to survey the forest. The trips sometimes take a week or longer, depending on how stubborn the latest batch of loggers are. One day she’s at the top of a cliff, a tiny streak of blue below, and she wonders if she can land in the river. (She does, but hitting the water still kills her.) She’s shot a few more times, even wakes up in a shallow grave once- grants crueler night terrors to that person. 

She doesn’t understand how Marina can be happy living with her, but she’s decided to keep her. Julia magics up pair of crowns of silver flowers, tweaking the details as she returns home. Marina loves power, it will be a simple thing to keep her.

.

Julia waits for Marina to kiss her first. She doesn’t know why, but she has a distant feeling that it’s the right thing to do, and such feelings have never steered her wrong before. Marina takes her time about it, and Julia brings her home new trinkets upon each return- some found, some made. 

The most important trinket isn’t a trinket at all- a bobcat kitten whose mother was killed. Julia presents the kitten, and Marina takes to him instantly, smiles in a wide and easy way Julia’s never seen before. It’s quite beautiful, and she names him Silver for his coat. He bonds with her rather quickly over the following weeks, a small gray shadow wherever Marina is to be found. Most often, playing in her lap while Marina sits at the library desk, inventing new spells. 

Julia no longer fears returning home to an empty house, is content.

Marina kisses her on a dewy morning, Silver out hunting rodents. The kiss is possessive and deep, and Julia’s only too happy to make it more-so. She lifts Marina up against the nearest wall, magic reshaping a temporary seat, Marina’s legs wrapping around her. Nails scratch against her skull, and Julia nips her lip in retaliation, a drop of blood changing the taste.

Marina’s fingers snap away off clothes, thumping to the floor, and Julia carries her to bed. 

.

“What happened to your girlfriend?” Julia asks in the afterglow. She doesn’t particularly care, but it may change the plans for her. 

“What happened to your boyfriend?” Marina snaps back, and oh, she’s still touchy about it. How odd. 

“He couldn’t watch me die over and over again. Yours?” 

“Fucking hell.”

Marina tells her a month or so later, stoned out of her mind as they make pretty multicolored smoke animals and plants that Silver chases. The weed doesn’t affect her like it used to, but it still does; rather than becoming relaxed, Julia becomes hyper-focused on one thing at a time. It makes for epic sex, and it’s almost a pity she’s been playing monogamous lately. 

"She discovered I wasn’t her Marina." 

Huh. Julia hadn’t expected that. Then again, Marina forms webs of lies as easy as breathing- even when she doesn’t need to, one of her more attractive qualities. Julia wonders if this Marina tested potential hedges the same way, if she would have locked them together in a freezer until she desecrated a body and wore it on her skin. 

.

The loggers keep coming back. No matter the psychological terrors she inflicts, they keep coming back. They keep destroying her home, and Julia snaps. Her magic snuffing out their lives nearly quicker than she thinks the thought. 

Over and over again, and finally, _finally_, they stop sending people. 

She can’t decide if Marina would be impressed by the power or disapproving, so she doesn’t tell her. Brings home a cluster of bright feathers for Silver, maple syrup candies for Marina. Life is good in their own little world.

.

“You’re a real bitch Wicker, you know that?” 

Julia opens her eyes, is naked laying in bed next to Marina. Marina’s sitting up, dressed in a black satin slip and robe, smoke trailing from her lips. 

Julia reaches, and rolling her eyes, Marina passes the cigarette. She takes a quick puff, her taste buds coming back online with the bitterness. “You enjoyed it.” 

Marina snatches the cigarette back, “Some warning would have been nice.” 

“Because you’re so nice,” Julia says with a smirk. When Marina doesn’t reply, with a sigh, Julia adds on, “You knew I’d come back.” 

“I didn’t know you liked it,” Marina snaps. 

Julia cocks her head, considering. “No. It’s like… pulling out a single strand of hair. There’s a certain relief after.” 

“Uh huh.” 

“Does this mean no more asphyxiation?” 

There’s a touch of pink in her cheeks, and Julia would crow if she didn’t know how soundly that would change Marina’s mind. She puts out the cigarette, looking every inch a film noir beauty as she turns back to her. 

“You’ll tell me before.” 

And Julia can’t possibly hide the victory thrumming through her veins, kissing Marina. 

.

Julia notices the difference in Alaska. That as she is revived, she isn’t quite the same. She doesn’t know when it started, doesn’t recognize the memory of another girl. 

It should probably be concerning. 

(It isn’t.)

.

The first time it happens- not the first time she dies as Kim, but the first time she dies knowing who she truly is- is on a sunny October morning. The wind is cold enough to make her shiver, and she’s gotten used to having regular levels of magic once more. 

She hasn’t gotten used to Q being gone. There’s a hole at her side where her best friend is supposed to be, and she still catches herself turning sometimes to make a joke. She doesn’t think she’ll ever get used to him not being here. (Maybe Eliot has the right idea of it, living with Q forever in a trippy Fillorian time loop with peaches and plums.)

Maybe it’s the chill in the air, maybe it’s because she’s a few days from her period and it always makes the thoughts worse, maybe it’s just all too much- but whatever it is, there’s a gun at her back demanding money. Whatever it is, she doesn’t comply, pain tearing through her abdomen. It’s hardly the worst death she’s had, not even the most painful as she goes into shock. 

But this time _is_ special. This time, Julia doesn’t know if she’ll come back, and she doesn’t lift a finger to stop it.


End file.
